The Newest Chapter

There are so many "firsts" in our lives.

First day of school. First kiss. First love. First drink of alcohol. First job.


There are so many parts of life that are "forever" things. Our first names. Love for family members. DNA.
There are these "goals" that come with each step... to achieve that "thing." One step leading to another. Stringing us along to the "end;" The all encompassing, inevitable, overall goal or milestone.

As we travel between steps, there seem to be moments; "in between" moments. Almost like an awkward silence in a conversation. Unsure what to do or how you should feel in that moment. Uncomfortable with the present moment, but simultaneously harboring comfort in knowing the moment will be over soon and perhaps forgotten.
Once the next step is attained it's usually so fulfilling. Leading to hope of grasping the next thing in life.

Personally... I have always sucked with change. I love nothing more than comfort. The comfort found in consistency or even the sometimes unfavorable predictability. We never want too much of that it seems, but enough to know everything is going to be okay; okay tomorrow and the following day. When my equilibrium is thrown off with the unbalance of uncertainty, or even newness, I get terrified.

This is perhaps an insanely vague way of expressing myself... And I like it. In fact I love it. Because I get to experience the effective relief found from writing, while protecting myself from the exact thoughts and emotions I've been avoiding. And the obvious: the "ambiguous" reader doesn't know the details of my life.

Ah... I feel like I just took a shot... Or a shit. Both can be equally relieving....
That's the funny thing about blogs... We write; us "bloggers." We supply our "guts" to what may or may not be an unknown audience. We write for some sort of companionship or feedback or something!... I personally don't want feedback or responses. But damn, I guess there is a reason that I am writing a blog verses with a pen and paper or just a word document. My "companionship" from writing is the echo of my words and what I could maybe declare as thoughts on a piece of something like paper in front of me.... Such relief in it. Grounding. Tangibility. Sanity. Empowerment from witnessing "my" words run across a page, when typically upon the initiation of writing I have no idea what exactly I'm thinking or feeling..
Yeahhh that's all I got.